I stopped living. You read that right. I stopped living. I cannot pinpoint the exact time it happened; it was a gradual decline. As the years passed, this moment slowly creeped up, like a predator secretly stalking, watching, waiting from among the leaves of tall grass. And when I finally realized what had happened, I cursed myself for not seeing the omens beforehand. It was only a matter of time before the inevitable became a reality- I had stopped living and am now only existing.

But I want to be alive and thrive. Like many people past and present, life has a become and an endless cycle of going through motions. Wake up, go to work, go to sleep. Slowly but surely, work and responsibilities have taken over like vines of ivy reclaiming stone and concrete buildings. Add the internet and smartphones to the mix and the results is an unfortunate-tasting soup of depression, loneliness, distance, despair, and low motivation.

I wrote this blog because I want to change. The aspirations and appetite I expected to be a significant presence in my life have taken backseats to work and responsibilities and intrusive thoughts. My creativity has stalled and instead is slowly being replaced by everything I see on the internet. Each thought I have leads to another. Every thought leads to another thought, more pervasive and louder than the last, which leads to an even bigger thought, more intricate and complex, and suddenly I find myself stuck within the confines of my own mind. Seeing all the negativity and experiencing a constant barrage of world-changing events, systems of oppression, natural disasters, etc leave me so depressed, isolated.

As I sit here writing this on March 21, 2023, I am currently in my 20s. Thirty both quietly creeps closer and loudly makes itself aware to me with each passing day, but I still don’t feel like I have learned, embraced, and had the numerous experiences that life has to offer during your 20s. And with my tendencies to stay more quiet and reserved, it is quite difficult to put myself out there. That is the ultimate goal of this blog. A challenge to be more spontaneous, live more freely, learn more, explore more, and to appreciate the many colors, shades, and hues of the universe that paint the intricate, big picture of life. Hopefully my comfort zone will be a little bit wider, my mind a little bit bigger, and my soul a little bit richer.

Big questions I keep asking myself are: Why do this? Why does this even matter? Why should people read my blog? Truth be told, I am not quite sure I can answer each of those questions with absolute certainty. But one thing is for certain: nothing feels better than taking a good look at one’s life and being filled with the feeling of utmost satisfaction and contentment. Life can be scary, difficult, hard, heartbreaking, and painful, but life can be good. And it can great, fantastic, fulfilling, wondrous, amazing, and joyous. Why should someone read my blog? Why does this even matter? Because life has impactful lessons that are made to better ourselves and connect us all, and if we blink too fast or close our eyes, we’ll miss them. I want to have an impact. If someone is unable to understand the life lessons, I will gladly be a guide. I am beautifully changing, growing, and learning everyday. Hopefully I can help someone understand what they learned today, too.