Humans beings are creatures of habit. We create routines and stick to them. Our moves are predictable. Even the most free-spirited, spontaneous, leaf-in-the-wind of a person will faithfully stick to their spur-of-the-moment regimen; seeing as any sort of meticulous, carefully thought-out planning would just be too out of the ordinary for their lifestyle. But why do we stick to a routine when life can change at the drop of a hat? How do we even deal with this phenomenon? What’s the point of it all? These are the questions I have been pondering lately. 

Most people grow up with an idea of how their life is supposed to be lived. Grow up, get an education, get a good job, get married, buy a house, have kids, work, retire, and eventually die. That was the plan I heard all too often and for most of my life, that was what I believed the natural course of my life would follow. A seemingly very straightforward path. But life has a funny way of turning everything upside down and now, I don’t believe in following this common trajectory of life anymore. There is no one right way to live a fulfilling and content. What society champions as the proper course of a successful life is a singular, highly manufactured point-of-view made to ensure that the human race carries on down the path of least resistance.

Let’s start with education. I have always internalized the idea that going to college is an absolute must. Education is seen as a vessel of social and economic mobility; this idea is especially prevalent among immigrant parents. And while this IS true, that an education can serve as path toward a better life; I feel like going to college was a bit….underwhelming. I am grateful for the opportunities that going to college afforded me but because it felt like it was something I had to do instead of something that I wanted to do, I don’t feel like I was able to fully immerse myself and be happy with my “choice” to achieve a post-secondary education. I was able to pick and learn subjects that interested me, gain a sense of freedom by living in a dorm, and even study abroad. But being in college at that time felt premature. I wasn’t aware that there were other options, like taking a gap year or two and then going to school. There were so many times when I felt confused, directionless, not even sure of my purpose while in school which led me to not taking full advantage of all the possibilities college could offer me. There were many days when I followed the routine and went through the motions until one day I graduated and suddenly that was it. Off on my own. I stuck to the prescribed routine and now it was over; I had to figure out the rest.

Now I had to get a job. Boy, did I underestimate how difficult it would be. Countless hours tweaking and polishing my resume, making sure that it would shine and sparkle just enough to land me an interview. Then it was countless hours preparing for interviews, writing detailed notes as if I were going to give the most important speech of my life at the most important rally of my life. Practicing every pronunciation and carefully crafting a story for each bullet point under the job description in my resume to charm the interviewers into giving me a job. Finally landing a job (not in my field, I should add); diligently working, gaining new skills, experience, and fine-tuning my professionalism all to work myself up the ladder to a financially comfortable life and satisfactory career. Unfortunately, I’m not quite there yet, but I’ve made good progress and will continue to do so. But this is just another routine I am expected to adhere to. While it will help me in the long run, it just makes me feel like I am going through the motions; it feels like a constant cycle of working. The passion and desire I thought would consume me during this process is simply not there. 

Enter the COVID-19 pandemic. The long journey of building my career piece-by-piece was seemingly cut short in March 2020. Suddenly I was unceremoniously laid off, much like millions of people throughout the world that year. And while losing a job exacerbated my fears about my finances, I actually felt a sense of relief. No more work-related stress and feeling like a failure. Gone was my mundane routine, but now there was an influx of questions: why do we stick to a routine when life can change at the drop of a hat? How do we even deal with this phenomenon? What’s the point of it all?

I could not the answer these questions at the time, but having my plans blow up in my face was a lifesaver. I started to invest in myself. I took classes I wanted to take, paid off a large chunk of student loans, devoted more time to my hobbies, recharged my social battery, and took the time to do things that I like and that were important to me. Gone was my routine; I woke up and tackled something new everyday, randomly yet diligently rotating through all the tasks and hobbies, like a character going on an uncertain, but valiant quest in a story. When the summer of 2020 came around and COVID restrictions started lifting bit by bit, I took full advantage. With every easing of the restrictions and more freedom to venture outside, I went to every event and saw anyone possible. Armed with my masks, hand sanitizers, and wipes I did everything I could do outside safely and had a blast finally seeing and meeting people again. There was no plan; everything was up in the air. But lack of foresight proved not to be a hindrance, but an invitation to explore. Summer of 2020 turned out to be without a doubt one of the best summers of my life.

Fast forward to 2024. The pandemic came and went. I got new jobs. I met new people. I gained new skills and competencies. I have new plans for my life. By this time in my life I thought I would be living the “American dream”: a home, a car, a husband, a good job. I have only one of these four things. The plans and routines hammered into my mind throughout life in order to achieve what society deems as markers of success did not exactly work as intended. I always thought that if I did exactly what was expected of me, I would be rewarded with these markers of success. But here I am with only with a job to my name. No other marker of societal success (except a college degree, perhaps). But I am happy. In fact, I am content. Even though I am consistently walking down the long sidewalk of sticking to a plan to achieve more of these markers of success, I stop every so often to admire the life within the cracks. The cracks occasionally interrupting this routine walk are where the most interesting plants grow; no one knows what will grow, but they deserve dedicated nurturing. The cracks are important spaces that house all the spontaneous, off-the-beaten-path, break-from-the-routine experiences. All the laughs, tears, questions, amazement, and joy I’ve gained all culminated into little plants in the cracks of the sidewalk.

I can now answer the questions posed above: what’s the point of it all? Why stick to a routine even though things can change in an instant? The answer is because life is not meant to be solved or simple; it’s not a prescription or a methodology meant to reach one outcome. I don’t think there is an end goal, but rather the journey is the destination. The plan that is laid out, that is encouraged by others, and craved by myself does not always lead to the intended destination. This doesn’t mean sticking to a plan isn’t necessary. It just means that now I will not beat myself up for not receiving what was promised to me. Life happens. That’s ok. This lesson may seem obvious, but for someone who is always worried about the next step, having this realization is life-changing. I will continue to work towards what I want. I will continue to walk down this sidewalk. But I will also continue to stop at the cracks to watch the plants grow into blooming flowers. The blooming flowers of happiness gained through unexpected experiences deviating from the path in forms of these cracks. And as I continue to walk, I look back once in a while with a sense of peace. So much in my life did not go according to plan. So much happened outside of my routine. Plans change. Circumstances take place. Events occur. I am happy and at peace with how things have turned out so far. I am happy with my growth and content with plans changing. My sidewalk may be a hard, straight-and-narrow path meant to provide me with resources and legacies, but it is filled with beautiful and abundant flowers soaring out of the cracks that also serve this purpose. One is not complete without the other; they both go hand-in-hand. I keep walking, but I look back and I see what I need to see: fulfillment.